Yet another tidbit of information that I realized this week is not in any of the parenting books.
Gary and I have been planning our trip to Greece for 6 weeks and I have been incredibly excited the entire time, up until 2 days before we left. It was our first big trip without the boys. My Dad and his wife were coming to stay with Alex and Ryan and all of a sudden I started to feel sad and guilty for leaving the boys. I was missing them before we even left. On the plane I actually started crying. You know, one of those crying moments when you try to hide it and act like nothing is wrong (I didn’t want Gary to think I was a complete sap) and the harder you try not to cry the worse it gets? Here I am on an amazing vacation that I have so been looking forward to and all I can do is cry about the kids. Not exactly setting the mood from a romantic perspective.
I was thinking about all of the shortcomings I felt as a Mom and the things I felt I could be doing better for the boys. It was a perfectly smooth flight so it isn’t like we had a lot of turbulence and my life flashed before my eyes. I didn’t have any excuse other than the fact that I have realized that being a parent causes multiple personality disorders. One minute I can’t wait to get some time away and the next I can’t get home soon enough to give them a hug.
As soon as we got to the hotel I called them secretly hoping for a mushy ‘I love you Mom and can’t wait to see you’. What I got was a 2.5 second ‘Hi Mom, we are off to have fun with Gramps’. Truly the best response regardless of how I was feeling. It made me laugh out loud to realize that in this whole thing, I was the only one traumatized. The kids were fine. In fact, they were more than fine. They were having the time of their life.
I must admit that having the time away has been wonderful and allowed me the space to get perspective on some things with the kids and how we can approach them differently, but more than anything I have resolved to keep a sense of humor and embrace my multiple personalities.